100 facts about Me

I was complaining recently (go figure) about how people can’t seem to say anything interesting about themselves. I was part of a roundtable discussion where people were asked to introduce themselves, explain what they do, and then share one fact about themselves. The answers were tepid. Nearly all the men responded with “I play golf,” and the women mostly listed how many kids they had. In stating my disappointment with people’s complete lack of introspective creativity, I boasted that I could come up with 100 interesting facts about myself. Here it goes:

1. Reached the level of Life Scout, the only Ireland brother not to reach Eagle Scout
2. Is a silver medal Pinewood Derby winner
3. Shares a middle name with his grandfather
4. Lost his appendix in high school
5. The first girl he had a crush on was named Elizabeth
6. Was Student of the Month in seventh grade
7. First Star Wars action figures were C-3P0, R2-D2, and Darth Vader
8. First concert was officially the Captain and Tenille, but he was only 5
9. Has never had a cavity
10. Told people he wanted to be a Geologist in grade school
11. Other than Canada, has never left the United States
12. Owned Incredible Hulk sneakers that were green
13. Dressed as Cher once for Halloween
14. Did not win an acting award until he was 29
15. First car was a Chevrolet Corsica... will never buy an American car ever again
16. Longest relationship is 5 years 9 months... and counting
17. The only softball league infield position he ever played was catcher
18. First official acting role was Trumpeter #3 in Cinderella back in 2nd grade
19. First speaking role was in A Chorus Line in 10th grade
20. First speaking role ever cast through auditions was A Fate Worse Than Death in 11th grade
21. First community theater role cast was in Our Town in 2000
22. Appeared in 3 talent shows doing ventriloquism
23. Saw Star Wars for the first time at a drive-in theater
24. Has been married in two different states
25. First cassette ever purchased was Michael Jackson’s Thriller
26. Had to have collarbone broken during birth. That is his only bone ever broken
27. First kiss was at a Junior High School Dance
28. Is the only EWF wrestler to hold all three major titles: Heavyweight, Intercontinental, and Tag-Team
29. The only pair of Underoos he ever owned were Incredible Hulk
30. Made his own Darth Vader costume in college
31. Designed a Mother’s Day card for Lebron James
32. Played the coronet in his elementary school band
33. Heaviest weight was 225 lbs. just after college
34. Considers 1990 a “good-hair” year
35. Performed puppet shows for classes all through grade school
36. Two roles he wants to play are Scrooge and Captain Hook
37. Both he and his wife are the middle children of 3
38. First DVD ever purchased was Ghostbusters
39. Has a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Graphic Design/Illustration with a concentration in both
40. Met WWF wrestler Big John Studd at the Mentor, Ohio Toys R Us opening
41. Worked at toy store part-time in addition to his full-time job out of college for a few years
42. Has lived in 5 different parts of Ohio, but never outside of it.
43. Is a boxers guy
44. Batman is his favorite super hero
45. Had a mullet in the summer of 1991
46. North of Columbus, Ohio he is Mike, south of it he is Michael
47. If he could be stuck at any age it would be 5
48. Highest grade point average for one semester was his very last in college - 3.7
49. Owns a vintage metal Mork & Mindy lunchbox
50. Has performed at state level theater competitions in Ohio and Indiana
51. Has always wanted to own a dog, yet never has
52. First theatrical award was not for acting - it was for Excellence in Lobby Display
53. Was in the audience for the very first WWF Survivor Series in 1987
54. Owns well over 600 Star Wars action figures
55. First CD ever purchased was Van Halen’s For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge
56. Was married in a vintage movie theater
57. Was Artist in Residence at Verder Hall for two years at Kent State University
58. Was Resident Assistant of the Month in October of 2004
59. Was turned down for the first job he applied for at McDonalds
60. Didn’t get his driver’s licence until he was 18
61. Has only ever been to one NBA game and one NFL game
62. Favorite Star Wars character is Darth Vader
63. Made movies in High School, one that ended up being broadcast on local cable access
64. Chosen super power would be invisibility or the ability to freeze time
65. Never actually took the SAT. Completed the ACT and that was good enough
66. Only applied to and was accepted by Kent State School of Visual Communication Design, but did visit and tour NYU Film School
67. Went through a Tropical shirt fashion phase in Junior High
68. Favorite holiday is Christmas
69. Favorite Muppet is Animal
70. Will never sky dive, unless forced to in an emergency situation
71. Has never been a car guy, but if given the unrestricted choice of one vehicle, it would be a black Firebird Trans Am with the gold eagle on the hood
72. Is better at drawing than painting
73. Has never been arrested
74. Drew a comic strip through 7-12 grade that featured random friends and a little flying character called Fazoom
75. Is an Honor Thespian in the International Thespian Society. Attained the second highest points ranking in his graduating class
76. Took French as his language credits for many years, but can only count to ten
77. One life goal would be to appear in a major motion picture, even if it is just a fleeting appearance
78. Has given the toast at a same-sex wedding
79. Thought for years he was 6’2”, but apparently he is really only 6’
80. F-Zero was the only Nintendo game that his little brother couldn’t beat him
81. Is an Advanced Toastmaster Communicator Bronze
82. Prefers chocolate over fruit candy
83. Likes his ice cream, pizza, and hamburgers the same way - loaded with as much stuff as possible
84. Is a pretty good shot with a bow and arrow
85. Continues to post nonsense on Twitter, but there is nobody paying any attention to it
86. Does not like anything between his toes
87. Refused to wear brown pants as a child, and is still not very keen about it
88. Is an rather good cook but really excels with grilling and breakfast
89. Was interviewed on-air by Dick Von Hoene (AKA The Cool Ghoul) for the Northern Kentucky Magazine TV program
90. After years of watching professional wrestling, he had an active WWE wrestler actually come watch a show he was in. Chris Nowinski came to see his then girlfriend who was in Bus Stop with Michael
91. Hated his middle name when he was younger, and refused to tell anyone what it was. His fellow Boy Scouts decided that the E then stood for Eugene, a nickname he couldn’t shake for years
92. Was in Indian Guides prior to Cub Scouts
93. For two straight summers, he camped for an entire week on an island in the middle of a lake in the Canadian wilderness
94. The person he would most like to meet alive or dead is Jim Henson
95. Felt left out of the Cabbage Patch Kids craze in the 80s
96. Hates Geico commercials
97. Is fascinated and frightened by the idea of Sasquatch
98. Sold most of his original Star Wars figure collection at a garage sale for .25 each
99. Since his father has season tickets to The Ohio State Buckeyes Football, he’s been in the crowd for all of the top ten most attended games at the Horseshoe
100. Does not play golf

The Macho Hero

The near constant news stream of people dying is now just a simple reality of living. A stable of the trivial question “Where were you when X happened” is often associated to when you learned of someone’s passing. I remember my grandparents brining the newspaper into the house and immediately turning to the obituaries. People have death lists where they list notable people and wager for who passes next. Major news outlets actually have archives of articles prepared to run immediately when the report of death is confirmed. Seems like there is at least one report a day that jumps out and makes me think “ah, that’s too bad.” Other times I might be surprised that someone was still alive.

Then there are those times where this type of news just freezes the moment. It is especially odd when you don’t even know the person. I remember my Mom crying when Elvis died. I clearly visualize the place and situation I was in upon hearing of Jim Henson’s death. I didn’t particularly pay much attention at all to Princess Diana, but I do know I was watching Saturday Night Live with a group of friends when the news of her accident broke. And there is the news of former WWF Champion Randy “Macho Man” Savage passing today. I find myself affected.

I never take the news of wrestlers passing very well. The reason being is that these guys were my heroes growing up. Sure, my childhood was filled with Superman, Batman, Han Solo, and a host of other larger than life examples of heroism… but wrestlers were real. Now stop yourself right now, I KNOW wrestling is fake. I know that these characters are manufactured no different than those that fill the Halls of Justice. I also know that when I hear of their passing, that I am usually quite saddened. I even surprise myself when I reflect on how much I look up to them. I’m hit a little harder today than most, because Randy Savage stands out as one of the ones I respected most.

The Macho Man was a despicable character. He was all male id. Wearing sunglasses, a flashy robe, and stars on your tights wasn’t anything new at all in the wrestling world. Still, he had IT. The way he spoke, the way he carried himself, and the way he moved about the ring was completely unique to him, and matched by no other. Equally loved and hated, he commanded your attention. Even when he wasn’t a part of the main event, he was stealing the show from the undercard. Many consider his match with Ricky Steamboat at Wrestlemania 3 to be the best of all time.

Randy Savage was key to one of my favorite childhood memories. In 1987, the WWF held the the very first Survivor Series at Richfield Coliseum on Thanksgiving Day. When it was announced that this event was taking place, I shrewdly suggested to my Dad that this would be a perfect gift for my older brother’s birthday. David was impossible to buy things for, as he never really cared much for material possessions. Wrestling tickets would be a perfect thing for this life-long fan. The biggest issue was that we’d always have Thanksgiving at my Grandparents house near Columbus. We would have to go to the event on the way back up to Cleveland, which meant my Mom would have to go with us as well. She was less than thrilled with this arrangement, but she understood how rare an opportunity this was for David. One thing led to another, however, and we ended up not going to Columbus. Mom was off the hook, and we had an extra ticket. A ticket that would be offered to my pal Danny.

Danny McHale was my truest friend growing up, and he was a just as big a wrestling nut as us Ireland boys had become. I couldn’t imagine bringing a better person to share this evening with. Just about every major 80s wrestler was scheduled for this event: Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Honky Tonk Man, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Tito Santana, The Hart Foundation, The British Bulldogs, Ricky Steamboat, Bobby Heenan, Demolition, Ravishing Rick Rude, One Man Gang, Bam Bam Bigelow, The Fabulous Moolah, Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake... and of course Randy “Macho Man” Savage. Savage was coming into the event hot off a recent face turn as a crowd favorite. We went bananas for his match, and spent the larger part of the evening imitating his gravely voice catchphrases. He truly was the highlight of an evening of highlights. To this day it is the greatest wrestling event I’ve ever seen live.

I’ve always respected Savage, despite some of the decisions he may have been forced to make. Like many wrestlers of the time, he felt the need (or felt pressure) to enhance his physique with steroids. That only lasted a short time though, and I think he was off of them well before some of the others. He never needed them in the first place, as his wrestling style called for a more wiry frame. He never had to be the top guy, his place in the company was all his own. His act could have easily gone stale, but he allowed himself to evolve over the course of his career. He was a true sports entertainer. He knew how to make you laugh He knew how to frighten you. He knew how to tell a story in the ring. By the time he climbed up to the top rope to deliver his flying elbow drop, he had whipped you into a frenzy of excitment. Pomp and Circumstance would blare throughout the arena announcing his victory. I will always associate that tune with satisfying success. He walked away from wrestling before his skills diminished, a wise decision that some wrestlers fail to make. He’s been largely out of the public eye for almost a decade.

Many of these wrestlers have been dying young, and it continues to be sobbering news to hear how their bodies have failed them after years of abuse. Still, I wasn’t expecting Savage to pass for some time. I’d been holding out hope for a possible appearance at some point, perhaps induction into the WWE Hall of Fame. Maybe a TV role. Who knows.

Another hero has passed. Thank you Macho Man. I dig it. Oh yeah!

Michael - The Official Soundtrack Album

This past summer, I witnessed one of the greatest film composers of all time – John Williams - lead the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra in a concert of his best work. I was delighted to have this opportunity to see the man in his element presenting the unmistakable classics he has crafted over a distinguished and well-awarded career. If you don’t know who John Williams is by name, then you most certainly know his music… unless you’ve had your head shoved in a hole in the ground. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Jaws, Superman, Jurassic Park, E.T., and Close Encounters of the Third Kind are some of his most notable theme work. While delighting in the music that filled that warm and calm August evening, I couldn’t help but think that I was indeed listening to the soundtrack of my life. Granted, I haven’t done anything nearly as exciting as a lightsaber duel, or flown past the moon on a bicycle, been attacked by a T. Rex, or pursued Nazis through the desert. Nonetheless, this music is what I grew up with, has inspired me, and has let me at least dream of things on a grander scale. Of course not all great films have a John Williams composition, some have a masterful collection of pop music: think Quentin Tarantino or John Hughes. If I was to release a compilation album that helped present the story of my life, what songs and artists would I choose?

Track 1 – The Rainbow Connection, Kermit the Frog

I consider it such a blessing that I was a child when the Muppets hit their peak. Jim Henson is chiefly responsible of encouraging my creative side, sense of humor, and perspective on what it is to be a decent human being… or frog, bear, etc. The Rainbow Connection embodies everything Henson wanted to express to the world. Dream big, celebrate what makes you unique, surround yourself with loved ones, and identify what talents you can contribute to the world.

Track 2 – YMCA, The Village People

As an impressionable young man, nobody spoke clearer to me that my People. I really thought that these were some happening dudes who clearly represented manly manhood. They sung about things that I could embrace. The YMCA was an awesome place to us when we were younger – I mean – they had a POOL! Macho Man outlined their secret to becoming a stud. In the Navy celebrated the bravery and honor it was to defend our country. Keep in mind, I was maybe 7 years old. Looking back now, I do realize that all three of these songs were cheeky inuendo of gay lifestyles. There is naturally nothing wrong with that. I’m not gay just yet, so I guess I failed to be fully influenced by their suggestiveness.

Track 3 – Thriller, Michael Jackson

When I was in grade school there was of course no bigger star on the planet than Michael Jackson. It was hard not to get swept up in the hype that surrounded him, but I feel I can say I was drawn to his music for other reasons. Even at the height of his popularity, and years before his eccentricities overshadowed his talent, I was sympathetic to his misfit quality. Quiet and soft-spoken, he never seemed to be comfortable with the fame he achieved. The most consistent way he could express himself was through his art, and I felt much the same way. It’s difficult to have people fully embrace you for what it is you do.

Track 4 – Eye of the Tiger, Survivor

I’ve always dreamed of having the fists-of-fury ability to defend myself, but have shied away from the effort one requires to achieve the optimal physical stature. That never stopped me from dreaming of being a champion professional wrestler. After Hulk Hogan had appeared in Rocky III, for a brief period of time he would enter the squared circle to the rocking rhythm of Eye of the Tiger. I of course ripped this off for my own wrestling entrance, and took on the identity of Mike “The Tiger” Ireland. This song propelled me to a long and successful career in the local backyard wrestling circuit.

Track 6 – Best of Both Worlds, Van Halen

Van Halen was my first true favorite rock band. It should be noted that I prefer Van Hagar to the original David Lee Roth led line-up. After years of Village People admiration, these fellows provided a more applicable testosterone-fused example of manhood. Van Halen makes me think of the jean-jacket wearing guys I hung out with in Junior High.

Track 7 - Kyrie, Mr. Mister

I’ve had a great deal of personal struggle with religion, and this song helped me explore it through my teen years. This album is still one of my favorites, and I get a kick out of the shout-out that Train just gave them in their latest hit single. You also can’t really appreciate the true nuance of the song until you hear Tim Kraus thump it out on his drum set.

Track 7 – We Didn’t Start the Fire, Billy Joel

Billy Joel hit my playlist near the end of High School. Many of his songs are frank coming of age tales that dealt with personal and professional struggle. The idea of college and beyond was frightening, and I found comfort in his convictions. He also spoke at length of the great mystery that is women. It’s hard to say if I learned much from him in this aspect, after all, he married Christie Brinkley. Needless to say, I doubt it was her breadth of intellect he found attractive. He was also the first concert I attended. Why did I choose this song? It was the song that fully captured my fandom for him.

Track 8 – Man on the Moon, REM

REM was a close to a “college” alternative band as I was ever going to approach. While I still don’t care much for their more maudlin tunes, I did identify with their introspective explorations. Above all, they provided an education in soul searching, and confronting emotional anxiety. I like this song as well because it opened up the world of Andy Kaufman to me. I discovered Taxi in reruns, and never knew he was such a complex performer.

Track 9 – Sabotage, The Beastie Boys

I also developed an appreciation for the Beastie Boys while in college. If REM was my ego, the Beasties were my id. It is easy to dismiss them as stock obnoxious white rappers, but they run deep with musical talent, cleverness and dare I say maturity. Who would have thought that these original “Fight For Your Right to Party” nudnicks would have introduced me to so many musical genres.

Track 10 – Galelio, Indigo Girls

For better or worse, I turned to the Indigo Girls I the midst of my most difficult struggles with adult life. I can’t clearly say why, as I hardly identified with them personally. Their music, however, was reflective enough without being depressing. Anything less might have sent me in the wrong direction with my life. Their folksy tone has a way of confronting issues while keeping a level manner.

Track 11 – The Old Apartment, The Barenaked Ladies

Quite possibly my favorite band, at least currently. Out of all the artists listed, I connect with them fully. They are a bunch of fun loving goofy characters that you feel like you could be old friends with. I chose this song in particular because of the many small one bedroom dives I lived in over a decade or so. Their harmonizing lyrical wordplay drops many a reference I can relate to, as if inspired by my own life events. Their music has matured with me, and have also provided joyous Christmas carols, and sing-a-long tunes for my child

Track 12 – Drops of Jupiter, Train

Train makes it easy to settle into my adult contemporary lifestyle of the moment. I’m not connected to them for any other purpose than I enjoy the spirit and zest of their little pop ditties.

There it is. Go ahead and download it at iTunes. Well, download each song individually, and then make a playlist titled Michael Ireland the Soundtrack.

Father Christmas

In a previous post I discussed the different perspective that Fatherhood has delivered. Going through the Holiday Season has got me thinking a lot about my own Father, and how my Christmas has largely been shaped by him. My most vivid recollections of these merry mornings mostly have to do with him.

Kenneth D. Ireland is a man of Christmas. As much as he likes to tease about his admiration for Scrooge and the Grinch, his heart is very much of the Christmas spirit. He may not have rosy red cheeks, a belly like a bowl full of jelly, or a twinkle in his eye, but to me he is the full embodiment of St. Nick.

My parents didn’t make a lot of money, but they made enough to take good care of us. They’ve always been more generous than they’ve needed to be come Christmas morning. Even with their boys all grown up and well past 30, they still desire to fill our stockings full of joy.

The comfort of our Christmas was always in the consistency of it, the celebration of which remains largely unchanged to this day.

Weeks before Christmas, we’d go down to the corner lot to bring home our tree. No matter how closely Dad would assess these trees, he would always manage to bring home a crooked one. It became such a part of our holiday that when they finally bought an artificial tree, we were disappointed in how straight it was. The one thing I always wanted to do was put the star atop the tree. Every year Dad would patiently try to hold me up as I would stretch over as far as I could. I don’t know if I ever got it on fully, but that was never the point.

The excitable chatter of what we wanted for Christmas was always met with gentle taunting. Threats of Santa passing us over for better-behaved children, or coal-filled stockings were all too common. He would always do it with his same Wicked Witch of the West impersonation. He has, in fact, never stopped doing it.

Christmas morning would begin at the top of the stairs as we waited for Dad to blind us with his Super 8 camera lamp. This thing burned hotter and brighter than the Star of Bethlehem. He would film us coming down the stairs and around the corner to capture our reaction to the first glimpse of the gifts below the tree. Of course, all ever captured was us desperately shielding our eyes from his light assault.

The family would spread out over the living room, and claim a spot to do their unwrapping business. Dad would spend most of the morning distributing gifts, making little piles in front of each person. Eventually, Mom would tell him to sit down and let people catch up. He’d try to capture the best moments on his camera. His Christmas films were always his finest cinematic efforts. Eventually he’d hand the camera over to someone to film him opening a gift. When watching these films later, during his appearance he always exclaimed, “And now, the STAR of the film!”

After the gifts are opened and the living room is a mess of boxes and discarded wrapping paper, the “bag” makes its first appearance. It is at this point you have to account for all your swag, otherwise it may get swept up in Dad’s attempts to clear the living room. In later years Dad became a target of wadded up balls of paper that we were “trying” to toss into the bag.

After the first bag sweep, Dad would then park himself just outside the living room in the front hall to attend to the items where some assembly was required. With his boys surrounding him he would employ every ounce of his admittedly limited mechanical skill to get everything in working order. I think this has to be my favorite memory. Dad never needed to know how to play with our toys with us, but in these moments we could share and bond over them.

As selfish little brats, we never really understood or appreciated the efforts my Mom and Dad made to get us what we wanted. Luckily, my parents never got too caught up in any toy craze from the 80s. Dad never had to chase after a Cabbage Patch Kid, but I know that he would have tried if he had to. If we wanted something (within reason) we usually got it. Much like the Old Man in A Christmas Story, Dad would come through for us. I used to think it was funny to give him grief about the one gift I never got. I had a Star Wars AT-AT on my list for more than a few years. I’m actually not quite sure why I never got it, but I really wasn’t that put out by it. I’m angry with myself now, because I really think that stuck with him.

For over 65 years, my Dad was never separated from his own Father on Christmas. That first Christmas without Grandpa was strange for all of us because it was so quiet. The two of them would start a conversation inside the door that didn’t seem to end until one went out the door. This of course will be the first Christmas morning I will spend away from my Father. Our streak is broken at 38. Sure, this makes me sad, but that is still an incredible run. Living life the right way only increases the amount of loved ones that need to share Christmas. I have so much of my Father’s own spirit to share with my extended family.

In his example, I am now Santa Claus. Or at least that is the job I will take on for as long as my baby girl chooses to believe. If I do it right though, she will never stop believing, as I’ve never stopped believing in my Father.

Merry Christmas Dad.

In Defense of My Christmas Tree

Nothing seems to generate stronger opinions than that of how to celebrate Christmas correctly. Some think people put up decorations too early, others get their shopping done in September, some want more Christ in Christmas, and there are those who don’t want anything to do with it at all. ‘Tis the season of “to each his own” I guess. One of my favorite symbols of my celebration is one that always seems to illicit opinion from folks… my Christmas tree.

Now forget the fact that I’d keep the thing up year round if I could. Never mind that it is usually up from mid-November to mid-January. Don’t let it bother you that it is not a real tree. These aren’t the issues.

The problems people have with my tree seem to stem from the choice of decoration. I’ll be the first to admit that the greater half of the tree has nothing to do with the common adornments of the season. For example, my ex-wife hated my ornaments so much that she made me hang them on the back of the tree facing the wall. She’d be practically apologetic to people that viewed our tree, fearful of their judgment. Actually this is an analogy for our entire marriage.

Actually, the first impression you have of my tree should be positive. If I do say so, it is strikingly beautiful. Centered in our great room, it is visible from all angles of the house. The silver and bronze metallic balls and trim add extra shine to the glowing white lights. Bronze dusted branches extend from the top forming a sparkling crown around the top of the tree.

Once you approach the tree, however, you start to pick out things that may be out of place. Is that Billy Dee Williams? Why is there an Ecto-1? Does one really need two different Christmas Story Leg Lamps? Shouldn’t Princess Leia have some clothes on? There is no star atop the tree, but there seems to be a Death Star. Is the Grinch holding meat? How many of these ornaments are armed? It is indeed and odd assortment of motley pop culture characters. I know the wise men did not bring gifts of lightsabers, Bumbles, and Roast Beast, but these are featured icons nonetheless. Santa shouts out the ornaments calling them by name: “Now Darth Vader! Now Tigger! Now Swedish Chef and Captain Jack Sparrow; On Greedo! On Ralphie! On Harry Potter and Hermey!

I’ve gone ahead and informally worked out some percentages of the various groupings of ornaments represented. I’m actually a little surprised, as I thought the Star Wars percentage would be higher.

Star Wars: 43%
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: 12%
Anne-Marie (birds, cats, and photo ornaments): 12%
Santas and Snowmen: 6%
Muppets: 5%
Disney: 5%
A Christmas Story: 5%
Ohio State Football: 4%
Indiana Jones: 3%
Other Various Pop Culture: 5%


What people fail to realize is that this tree is every bit of what Christmas is to me. Every trinket tells a tale. They are reminders of the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. Give or take a few years, there hasn’t been a Christmas where something branded Star Wars hasn’t been gifted. I remember distinctly the one Christmas Eve I couldn’t sleep because I was too charged up with excitement to get a Jabba the Hutt playset. I can’t imagine a Christmas spent without watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I’ve always found that herky-jerky bit of animation magical. I’ve had many beloved Muppet gifts other the years, including my first Animal puppet when I was 8 or 9 years old. A Christmas Story was a family favorite from the time it hit the theaters. It has a special place in the hearts of Cleveland residents because parts of the film where shot there. It is always on our television for some part of the annual 24-hour marathon on TBS. The day after Christmas was always a day to wear our new Ohio State apparel to my Mother’s family. College football was always a dominant conversion among my cousins and uncles.

I should really own stock in Hallmark, because they always manage to entice me to spread much of my holiday cheer (er… cash) their way every year. Whoever thought to add ornaments to their list of wares should be filthy rich and retired in some very non-seasonal island paradise.

Now that I’ve spent this entire story calling it my tree, I should mention it is every inch my family’s tree. The tree that stands in our living room is actually one of the first purchases my wife and I made together after only dating for a few weeks. She has come to adore what the tree means to me, and has fully embraced this as our single favorite house decoration. The ornaments I buy for her now aren’t necessarily because I think she’ll absolutely love them, rather they are things that remind me of her, and all the things we’ve shared together. It should also be noted that the first gift she ever bought me was an ornament. It was a small but meaningful gesture early in our relationship. That is exactly what my tree is, a display of meaningful pieces of life that illuminates my house for a few short weeks every year. Let your tree be unique to you.

Oh and the ornament Anne-Marie bought me was an Anakin Skywalker Starfighter from Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith. Of course.

Thankful 2010

I’ve spent years noting the holiday with a list of various reasons to be thankful. This year will be no different, but I’m approaching things from a different perspective this year. There, I just said it – perspective. This year I am thankful for being able to be on the other side of things. 2010 brought perspective in the form of my bubbly bouncy ball of baby girl.

The universal parental taunt is “You just wait until you have kids.” Something in our heads always told us we were going to do things better, but inevitably we all suffer that moment when we realize we are handling everything just like our parents did.

Obviously I knew life was going to change, and I’m thankful that I’m in a good place to welcome this change. I couldn’t have done this 5 or 10 years ago, and any earlier I might have raised a serial killer.

I’ve experienced many people around me become parents in the last twenty or so years that I’ve been piecing my life together. I can’t say one way or the other if these people were succeeding, failing, or just doing what little they were capable of. I was half expecting some sort of slight madness wash over me. Would I become the military precision parent who runs drills on a strict time schedule? Would I be the parent who can’t structure a single sentence without mentioning their child? Would I have to shut out the entire world because I can only process one thing at a time? Would my child become a universal excuse? Would I be ignorant enough to think that the rest of the world will be delighted enough with my child to let them run amok wherever? You might consider me one or all of these parents, but I’m a thankful witness to those who've bravely gone before me.

I wasn’t prepared for the perspective. I just wasn’t. The maturity that increases with each passing year may bring to light what a tool one may have been previously. Nothing can prepare you, however, for the installation of operating system Parenthood 1.0. Gazing into the eyes of my child for the first 10 minutes of her life was like starting my own life over. Call it an out of body experience if you will. Years of family photos, movies, stories, and memories cannot place you in the moment of how your own father felt when he held you for the first time. I’m now reviewing my entire life again as if I was re-watching a Criterion DVD box set with commentary from the director. I’d love to describe this in detail, but I can’t, it is just something you can’t share unless you live it for yourself. I have so much more respect for my parents, because I didn’t know of all these beautiful small moments and frightening big fears. I understand so many things now, and I am thankful for this clarity.

I’m of course thankful for my wife and the sacrifices she made to bring us our Mia. I give thanks to our families who continue to exuberantly embrace our addition.

I give thanks to you the reader, for your (hopeful) continued interest.

An open letter to the students of Mentor High School

I was greatly affected by the news of yet another Mentor High School teen taking their own life due to excessive and insufferable bullying. I graduated from Mentor in 1990, and I’ve been angry for days at an administration that continues to allow students to be victimized. I could have spent time writing about my own struggles coming up through the Mentor School System, but I’ve decided to open letter that speaks directly to the students of MHS.

Dear Students

One would hope that a national mention of your school might be for something positive: a state sports championship, academic merits, or excellence in community service. But your school is now known nationally as a place where four teens have decided that death was a better option than to continue to suffer relentless bullying from their peers.

Of the many articles I’ve read, it seems like many of you have done your best to distance yourselves from the situation. Some claim to have not known this girl. Others have said they weren’t aware of a problem. Many claimed that they don’t want to be judged for the actions of a few.

Let me ask a question. What if one of your fellow students pulled out a gun and shot someone in the middle of the cafeteria, and then ran off? What would you do? Would you report the crime? Would you turn a blind eye and pretend nothing happened? Would you be afraid to identify the student out of fear of being unpopular? Would you laugh at the victim? You wouldn’t think twice about. You would tell every teacher, school official, policeman, parent, reporter, and bystander anything and everything you saw. You witnessed a crime and therefore it is your civic duty to report it as such.

The simple fact is that you did see a student get killed. It may not have happened in front of you, but you were witness to what caused it. You turned a blind eye to it, and continued about your day. You said noting to anyone, and maintained whatever social status you cling to. You may have even laughed about the victim. You most likely see a crime being committed every day, perhaps multiple times a day. You continue to do nothing.

You are not innocent, and don’t pretend to be. Bullying is not a silent act. You are well aware of who the bullies are, and you are also aware of who the victims are. You are more than likely a victim yourself. Four students are dead. How many more need to die before you are brave enough to act?

Don’t kid yourself. This is going to follow you for a long time. Are you proud to list Mentor High School on your college admissions? Imagine listing it on a job application. How many years do you think it will be before people stop mentioning it? “Oh, you’re from that school where all the kids killed themselves.” Every time you open your yearbook, every reunion you attend, every story of the good old days you tell will have the cloud of this tragedy hanging over it.

Do something about it.

Stop being a coward. Take a chance and do something heroic next time you have the opportunity. If you see a student being victimized by others then you need to step in. It may one of the most difficult things you ever do, but I promise you the rewards will benefit you for a lifetime. You might be surprised who stands up next to you. The best defense against any negative force is strength in numbers. Be a community. Be remembered for something better than what history has written for you.

And finally, if you are actually one of those who is guilty of bullying, then I can say that I hope nothing but the worst for you in life. I hope the small amounts of empowerment you gained were worth the empty and shallow existence you have. You are and forever will be a criminal, and your future will treat you as such.