In no particular order, here is a running list of fears that I have in regards to fathering my first child.
She is a girl (well 90% chance). I have no clue how to raise a girl.
Tea Parties.
She'll look like my brother Dave.
I'll bring the wrong girl home from the hospital.
That first greasy looking goofy bastard who comes over for her first date.
Pink.
Hannah Montana... though I'm sure Miley will have made her first sex tape by then.
I'm going to be a push over.
I'm going to become an embarrassment even faster than most Dads.
What if she is an emotional basketcase? she'll get that from her Father.
She might be smarter than me by second grade.
Questions about male anatomy.
What if is she thinks that Kermit the Frog is stupid?
She'll want a pony.
She'll want her own phone by 7.
She'll go to Mommy to fix things. She should.
She'll tell her friends that Daddy is in charge of the vacuum cleaner. He is.
The cost of college in 20 years.
The cost of a wedding in 20 years.
I might be better at painting toenails than Mommy.
She'll take up smoking at some point.
That she'll have her heart broken some day.
That she'll only want to eat chicken nuggets all the time.
Fruit candy will be her favorite.
That she won't be able to relate to Daddy at all.
She might be kinda dull.
She'll get a tattoo.
When will it be appropriate to allow her to wear eye shadow?
Girlie pop music.
The terrible twos.
The terrible threes.
The terrible teens.
She might like Barney.
Will she ever cry on Christmas morning?
Will she ever cry at Disney World?
Will she prefer Reality TV?
The cat might bite her.
She might bite the cats.
She'll resent me for her bushy eyebrows.
She will only eat cheese pizza.
She might be scared of a lot of things, but she won't fear Sasquatch.
She won't laugh enough.
She might forget to mention me when she wins an Oscar.
She might not smell what the Rock is cookin.
Boys.
That my kisses won't fix all boo-boos
She'll be more Disney Princess than Princess Leia.
She might be obnoxious.
I'll have to wear pants around the house more.
She won't like school.
Bullies.
She makes the right decisions.
She has the patience to truly wait for love to find her.
That she won't like being tickled.
Trust is never broken.
That I won't have the patience.
That I won't fill her memories with enough love and joy.
That she'll be brave enough to tackle the world.
How could I not comment on this? My Princess (Disney, but the one that is willing make sacrifices and kiss the frog to get the prince) isn't 4 just yet. I would also like to tell you that when I knew I was having a girl...I refused to paint her room pink because I HATED pink. Now, Kaitlin has introduced me to every single shade of pink and I have learned to appreciate the difference even when I don't see it! HOWEVER, I would like to take a moment and tell you that yes these fears are ALL legit and I have them every day, BUT....you do not only have a 90% chance of having a girl...you also have a 90% chance that she is a Daddy's girl!
ReplyDeleteMy latest favs to proove this point:
"I am not your daughter....only Daddy's!"
"YOu are frustrating me Mommy!"
"Mommy you are not listening to me, and I have a lot to say!"
"You talk so much Mommy, that you cause me to sweat!" (This one is my favorite).
"Who do you think you are for coming into my bedroom without asking permission!" (Yes she is only 3 years old...keept that in mind!
"I don't believe that you are painting my big girl room pink Daddy because you are a boy!"
Then again, I have those wonderful moments too....
"Dance with me....sing with me, let's play school, let me hug you again, I need another kiss, I want more green beans, I want strawberries and not ice cream, Let's go shopping, I need more sparkles, you are the best part of my day, you are the best Mommy....."
So no matter how many worries you have....life is always better with a little girl even if she only wants pink and sparkles and chicken nuggets!